i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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