I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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