I must be too annoying 4 u.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
