yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my liver is dry heaving
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
soo... how was my night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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