when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
