I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
