He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
