Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
