I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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