I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
