I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
this hospital has no fireball
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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