i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
