You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize