we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize