At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
