I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i need some magic done to my vagina
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
