I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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