I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
