5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Who died my cat blue again?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
