I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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