Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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