Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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