Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
