I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
