I'm going to jail i love you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
