If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
