at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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