I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
