that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
