That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
