I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
