i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
