3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
