Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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