i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Life is so much better after having sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
