I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
