Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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