My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
