I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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