I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
