Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
