No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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