He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
