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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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