What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
