My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
