I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
