dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist