It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.