And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick