They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people