I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.