yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?