i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want a musical about memes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
