i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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