I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
