you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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