It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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