totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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