i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
