she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
