I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This baby is an asshole
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize