im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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