this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
