Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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