that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
