Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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